Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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