Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
