he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
