he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
