That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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