Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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