Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
