I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
