Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
