Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
