My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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