my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
