i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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