Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
