dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
