If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
