Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
