Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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