i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
