I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
