The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
