so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
