You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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