I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
50% drunk capacity currently
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
