He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
