Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
id be glad to
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
