Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
