i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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