I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
kristin has been a bad kristin
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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