What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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