Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
