Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
