I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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