And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
