I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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