Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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