so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize