I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize