On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
