Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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