so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
