I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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