dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
