I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
