i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My bed smells like the plague
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
