hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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