Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
