Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
