if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
