Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
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You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize