I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
