so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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