...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
