I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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