yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
