I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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