wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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