saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
