he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
