I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
