Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
