My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
