don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
