Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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