Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
