dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
