i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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