The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
