i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
