There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
