This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize