You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
