I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
nutella sex= disaster
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
